A Confession

So, I have a confession to make. I can't stand weddings. Weddings make me nervous. I always feel like I am going to be a big, awkward mess at my friend or family member's perfect wedding. I just know I am going to step on a veil, get food on myself, or flail too much when I dance. After I got engaged, I started to panic. How does a girl who can't stand weddings plan the very thing she hates? 

A few wedding magazines, books and websites later, I came to a realization. My wedding discomfort was completely psychological for me. In my mind, I had always thought weddings had to involve tuxedoes, filet mignon, and ballroom dancing. If I didn't pick the perfect color scheme or have a twelve course menu, my wedding wouldn't be good enough.  The weddings I had been to had been formal, and so it was all I knew. With a little research, I discovered that weddings do not have to be stuffy, frou frou events. In fact, most weddings aren't. Sure, the weddings I had been to had been on the formal side, but weddings could take the form of picnics, cocktail parties, even clam bakes. I even learned that fancy-schmancy weddings can be lots of fun, and that no wedding has to be stuffy if it doesn't want to be. I began to think of weddings as really big parties with a ceremony at the beginning. With that attitude, I stopped being afraid and started getting excited. This is going to be our party after all, and it is going to be awesome, with plenty of heartfelt emotion, a touch of humor, and all the awkward flailing I can muster. 

I began keeping record of images I stumbled upon or informal, honest, no-frills weddings. I found inspiration from outdoor weddings, beach weddings, and from some incredibly creative and crafty brides that blogged about their planning on the internet.  

I love this  Wyoming wedding that included a volleyball game! This bride and groom certainly didn't care about getting a little gritty on their wedding day! 

(from Martha Stewart Weddings)

This beautiful wedding took place on Orcas Island, Washington, and it is one of my favorite weddings of  all time. These photographs really inspired me, and helped me realized how nature and family can make for the perfect focal point for a wedding. Matching bridesmaid dresses and fancy floral arrangements weren't necessary for this simple, honest ceremony. I love the beauty and symbolism of the chuppah, and I am excited to be including this Jewish tradition in our ceremony. 

(photo by Jenny Jimenez via A Pracitcal Bride)

This photograph really changed my perception of what a reception could be. (And also, apparetnly, made me a poet!) A causal outdoor dinner can be breathtaking when lit by a simple string of lights. 

(photo by Lena Corwin, via Snippet and Ink)

I don't think I have ever seen a happier bride than Mrs. Tulip from Weddingbee. Her smile is contageous in her wedding photographs. Fancy centerpieces and expensive invitations are pretty, but that smile is truly priceless and speaks for itself. 

(photo by Punam Bean via Weddingbee)

After looking at these amazing, simple, sincere weddings, all of my uncomfortable and stodgy connotations dissolved. Maybe the weddings I had attended growing up had felt a little on the prim side, but our wedding certainly didn't have to fall into this category. With a hard drive full of beautiful photographs and an arsenal of inspiring blogs, books, and websites, I knew that Mr. Thrift and I had nothing to be afraid of! 

A Different Kind of Proposal: Part III

Because of the spontaneous nature of our proposal, Mr. Thrift did not pop the question with a ring. However, a ringless proposal was not what he had envisioned. In fact, he had just purchased my ring the previous week, while he had been visiting his parents in Tampa, Florida. Mr. Thrift and his mom had gone ring shopping together. He told me that he found the most amazing ring with leaf-shaped prongs and he immediately knew it was the perfect ring for his nature-loving partner. 

I feel a little guilty admitting to this, but when Mr. Thrift told me about the ring on the night of the fire, one of the first things I thought of was that the ring might be forever lost in the fire and I would never even get to see it!  Fortunately, Mr. Thrift was not keeping the ring at our apartment. He had picked out the ring with him Mom, and he left the ring with his parents in Tampa. Although this meant that I would have to wait for his parents to deliver the ring, I was relived to know that it was safe and sound. I have to admit, waiting to see the ring was difficult, and I was very excited when both of our families decided to come to Orlando to help us get settled and congratulate us. 

Our parents met us at our new apartment the weekend following the fire. We gathered around in our new, very bare apartment and hugged and celebrated. Our parents had met before, and already treated each other like extended family. Our mothers were giddy with thoughts of weddings and our fathers were busy setting up furniture. At this point, Mr. Thrift slyly took a package from his mother and whisked me outside. We walked down to the lake behind our new condo and sat on a park bench. Mr. Thrift laughed, and told me he wished he proposed to me with the ring in the first place. Already teary, I reassured him that the proposal had been perfect. He slipped opened the box, slipped the ring on my finger, and we both admired it for a while in the sunlight. A new ring. A new home. We were going to be okay. 

We headed back inside to show off my new sparkling diamond, and after setting up a bit more furniture, we took our parents out to our favorite greek diner. We stuffed ourselves with hummus and falafel and enjoyed ourselves with our new, unified family. It was the perfect engagement party. I couldn't have done better if we had planned it weeks ahead of time. 

(photo by Thrift Girl) 

I used an amazing tutorial by photo guru Ann Ruthmann over at Weddingbee Pro to take this shot of my engagement ring. I thought that using matches for props was only appropriate, considering our engagement story. I love my ring. It is simple and elegant, and the delicate leaf-shaped prongs are my favorite part. It is modern, yet organic, which is what I strive for in my own personal style. I am incredibly impressed with Mr. Thrift and his mom for picking out such a perfect match for me!

(photo by Thrift Girl) 

The week Mr. Thrift and I got engaged was a roller coaster. We got through it by sticking together, and laughing when things became so stressful that we didn't have any other choice but to laugh. If that week is any indicator of what our future is going to be like, we can guess that is going to be full of unbelievable struggle and extraordinary joy. The thing it made me realize is that whether things are happy, or things get tough, I know who I want to be holding hands with.

Did a tragic or stressful event bring you and your significant other closer together? How do you support one another when things get tough?

A Different Kind of Proposal: Part II

The weeks following my engagement to Mr. Thrift were some of the most intense weeks of my life. During the course of a week, Mr. Thrift and I had to find a new place to live, deal with the insurance company, and replace all the things we had lost in the fire. We also had to explain the situation to our families, who were both extremely happy and sad for us. Our entire families showered us with congratulations and condolences. It was surreal, exciting, stressful, and completely absurd.

 Although both of us had lost a lot of personal objects in the fire, we tried not to spend too much time spending sorry for ourselves. We were extremely grateful that no one was hurt in the fire. The firefighters did an amazing job, and they even rescued someone's pet goldfish! The fire damage was on the third floor, and we lived on the second, so we ended up with a lot of smoke and water damage. It could have been much worse. Mr. Thrift was relieved that his guitar was unharmed, and I was dumbfounded that the sprinklers had not destroyed a series of watercolor paintings I had recently completed. We couldn't believe how lucky we really were. 

(photo by Thrift Girl) 

Our building a few days after the fire. The roof of the building was completely gone. By the time we were able to enter the building to salvage some of our things, mold was already growing on all of our furniture and walls. 

(photo by Thrift Girl) 

The fire was started on the porch above ours. The students living in this apartment had a couch on their porch, which caught fire from a stray cigarette. The fire spread quickly to the roof and got out of control. 

The following week, Mr. Thrift and I, along with our roommate, began the hunt for a new place to live. We were incredibly fortunate that a condo community nearby offered to waive the fees for the victims of the fire. We  began replacing the furniture and housewares that had been destroyed in the fire, and slowly but surely things began to feel a little more normal, and Mr. Thrift and I were able to actually feel the excitement and giddiness that comes with being a freshly engaged couple. The following weekend, we looked forward to a celebration with our families, and Mr. Ring was finally able to place a ring on my finger. 

A Different Kind of Proposal

One of the things brides are constantly asked to tell is the story of their proposal. Being the emotional girl that I am, I love hearing about all of the emotional and creative ways men (and women!) have popped the question. I have heard stories of scavenger hunt proposals, first date recreations, proposals that involve family members and pets, and even a video game proposal!

Our proposal was a very different kind. It didn't involve flowers, candles, or champagne. There was no getting down on one knee and there wasn't even a ring. To many women, what I have described seems like a nightmare, but in fact, I believe the night Mr. Thrift asked me to marry him was one of the most romantic, incredible moments of my life. It still gives me chills just thinking about that night. 

The evening began at my parent's house. Mr. Thrift and I live an hour away, and we had driven over to their house for dinner. My mother loves to entertain, and we were sitting around the kitchen table nibbling on appetizers and chatting away. We were laughing and having a fantastic time. Weeks earlier, Mr. Thrift and I had been talking about when we would get engaged. We had been together for years and we already lived together. We knew that we wanted to get married in the future, but we wanted to finish our bachelor's degrees first.  We had a few more semesters of school until marriage would seriously cross our minds. Still, talking about spending our lives together and eventually starting a family together had put a spark in both of our eyes. 

Just as we were about to sit down to dinner, Mr. Thrift got a call. It was our roommate back at the university. His message was short, but certainly not sweet. Come home quickly, the apartment is on fire. 

We said goodbye to my parents on empty stomachs and raced back to the apartment. When we got there, our jaws hit the pavement. 

(source) 

The building that had been our very first home together was completely destroyed. By the time we arrived, firefighters had put out most of the large flames, but the damage was evident. The roof of our building was entirely gone. The three story building had water pouring down the stairwells and off the balconies like they were waterfalls. Mr. Thrift and I gathered around to watch the firefighters with our neighbors. None of us could even comprehend what had happened. We were in shock. 

(source)

The sun began to set and we stood in the parking lot, watching the smoke and water leave the apartment. I will never forget that smoky, damp smell, or the sound of all of the smoke detectors in the building slowly dying into the night. Mr. Thrift and I held each other.  We had no idea how many of our things had been destroyed, but from the look of it, we had lost everything we owned. We cried, and cried, and just wouldn't let go of each other. I don't know how much time had passed, but in that moment, as time stood still and the rest of the world whirred around us, my best friend asked me to marry him. He didn't get down on one knee. He didn't give me a speech. He laughed and cried as he asked me, and added that he couldn't hold it in any longer. He told me that he had already bought an engagement ring. That he wanted to propose to me over the summer in some romantic fashion, perhaps on the beach or at a candlelit dinner. This was not what he had in mind. I cried, and held him tighter, and cried some more. I don't even remember saying yes, I just remember asking him "does this mean that we're engaged?" and I remember him laughing and nodding as he wiped the tears from both of our faces. 

(source)

We stood there in front of the ghostly, empty structure until it became dark, and tried to take in the moment. In one day we lost everything we ever had, and at the same time found everything we ever needed. 

A Thrift Wedding

Thrift means to spend money carefully and not wastefully. Although "thrift" can mean different things to different people to me, thrift means being smart when making purchases and using creativity to save money. I do not think that thrift means cheap. Thrift means smart, quality, eco-friendly. Thrift is buying a reusable water bottle instead of wasting money on plastic bottles. Thrift is making a delicious vegetable soup out of leftover vegetables. 

(source)

When Mr. Thrift and I got engaged, we didn't know exactly what we wanted to do for our wedding. When the excitement of the engagement began to bring us back down to earth, we came us with a list of things we knew we wanted our wedding to incorporate. It had to be a small, intimate wedding. It had to be outside. It could not break the bank. 

Mr. Thrift and I knew wanted a small wedding more than anything else. They idea of celebrating our matrimony with 200 guests, while perfect for some, did not appeal to us in the least. After writing down a list of our close family members, friends, and a few family friends and mentors we came up with a list of 60 guests.  60 we could do. It seemed like a substantial amount of people for a decent sized party, but small enough that we would feel as if we were truly surrounded by those closest to us. 

Getting married outside was something we knew we had to do. We are nature lovers, and although Mr. Thrift and I come from different religious backgrounds, we both share a deep spiritual connection to our planet. Although we  both love a good trip to a bustling city, we constantly find ourselves drawn to the outdoors. Having an outdoor ceremony can be complicated, especially in a state that loves precipitation as much as Florida, but this was a challenge we were willing to take on. 

And lastly, Mr. Thrift and I knew that above all, we did not want to spend a ridiculous sum of money on our wedding. While we both have been blessed with the financial help of our parents, we didn't feel right cleaning out their pockets either. After a lot of research, we knew that we could have the type of wedding we wanted for under $8,000, less than half of what the average American wedding cost in 2008. Mr. Thrift and I are both very passionate about keeping our wedding budget low, and we are excited about sharing the money saving tips we come up with throughout the planning process. 

Another thing we know about our wedding is that it will take place during one of the hardest recessions to face American history. Weddings in 2009 are going to be different than the weddings that came before them. We are no longer living in a country with a carefree economy. People are losing their jobs and struggling to pay bills. Spending thousands of dollars on aisle runners and cake jewelry isn't only unnecessary in times like these, it is impossible for most people. I know that more and more brides are going to be planning "thrift weddings," and although I typically pride myself on being unique, this is one trend I am very proud to be a part of. 

Are you planning a thrift wedding?How has the recession affected your wedding budget? Would you be having a budget wedding even if we weren't in a recession?